Parenting Teenagers has been a fascinating experience for many parents. In the last piece, we looked at a general overview of parenting teenagers. In this session, we shall look at how to parent both teenage boys and girls.
PARENTING TEENAGER BOYS
Parenting teen boys can be very stressful and overwhelming. A lot is expected from the boys more than the girls. He is seen as the "man of the house", God help him if he is the first born or the only boy! Parents, you can enjoy a healthy relationship with your boy if you understand the teenage
personality.
I want you to think back and remember how your petite son sticks to you at every opportunity. I can remember friends and relatives call my son "Mummy's pet". What about now? Hmm he hardly talks! He is always quiet, locked up in his room, and probably mumbles "No", "Yes" or "I don't know" when he answers any question.
HE IS GROWING UP
When a teenage boy begins to show this behavior, he is in the process of "growing up" and maturing. Your boy is trying to exert his independence as he finds his way in the world. This is not strange; it's something every teenage son does (Daddy will agree with me!). Expect your teenager to change as he grows and matures emotionally, physically and mentally.
Teenage boys behave this way because they are working towards achieving independence and in order to do this, there is need to detach from their parents.
Their behavior is usually due to the overwhelming changes taking place in their bodies. There is increase in sexual feelings which can be distressing.
Discussing it with their parents is out of the way, it is therefore natural for boys to attach themselves to their friends.
Mothers are seen as nurturers and caretakers, consequently the teenage sons tend to push their mothers away in order to begin to create independence. Mothers therefore feel this detachment than fathers. My husband disputed my observing our son's sudden withdrawal and quietness to show that our son's sudden change in behaviour was actually noticed by me, his mother. Understanding the reason for such withdrawal is essential to mothers so that they can allow their sons some space to commence independence.
HE NEEDS YOUR HELP!
Parents must understand a boy's deepest feelings and experience, know who he really is, and help him love and feel comfortable with his genuine self.
Mum and Dad should always be at alert. Look for the early signs of trouble, such as bad grades, rowdy behavior from "seeming quiet" to manifesting symptoms of depression, even drugs or smoking and drinking alcohol.
Parents should be patient, don't push or nag your teenage boy. Be gentle and kind. Show him that he means a lot to you and that you are proud of him. Challenge your teenage son to be the best he can be at what ever task he is tackling. Ben Carson (a renowned American Neurosurgeon who became the Director of Pediatric Neurosurgery in John Hopkins Hospital at 33) in his book "Gifted Hands" acknowledged his mother's role in his career (I recommend this book to all mothers).
Despite his low grades, Ben's mother (Sonya Carson) encouraged and believed in his abilities; this led him (Ben) to the peak of his career. Provide all the emotional supports that will help your son progress into adulthood. If you walk into the living room and find your son watching football, sit down and make conversation about the game. Treat your son like an adult without loosing your image as his parent.
To be continued in the next edition
